Before we discuss how to successfully flirt, you need to consider one very important fact – women do not like cocky assholes. Showing off your hot set of wheels, running your mouth about how much money you have, or boasting about how important your job is may seem like a good way to grab a girl’s attention, but it’s not. Bragging actually portrays weakness, and it will do you more harm than good.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s delve into the topic at hand – flirting.
In essence, flirting is a subtle but fun way to show a girl you’re interested in her.
Just for a moment, imagine yourself talking to a girl for the very first time. She’s cute, she seems interested in the conversation, and even better…she appears to be giving you “the eye.”
This type of sexual tension is, in reality, part of the human mating ritual. From it, we determine if the attraction is mutual, and in turn, whether or not to move forward.
When flirting, try to incorporate all the qualities of masculinity that women find attractive (we’ll go over these later on in this chapter.) But for the sake of this discussion, know that women generally respond to men who are confident and in touch with their emotions.
Flirting is your chance to demonstrate that you have these core character traits women find appealing in a guy.
Perhaps the most important element to flirting is the use of your nonverbal cues, also known as your body language.
Did you know that only 10 percent of communication is verbal? That’s right! The remaining 90 percent of communication is expressed through a person’s actions.
With that said, don’t think that simply talking to a girl will make her interested.
Two guys can say exactly the same thing, but deliver completely different messages, so you’re going to have to learn how to use your gestures, voice, and overall body language to make your message more penetrating.
Another important aspect in flirting effectively is to know the difference between a romantic interest and a platonic interest. It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that women have an almost innate instinct to flirt, regardless of whether or not they’re genuinely interested in a guy. It’s a gray area that creates a sense of confusion for many men, and that’s why it’s important to understand flirting.
Know when it’s for fun and when it’s serious by deciphering between the different types of flirting…
Women Want Nice Guys
It’s true – nice guys really do finish last.
But why do women find themselves drawn to jerks?
The answer is quite simple…jerks are confident.
They put themselves first, aren’t afraid to get rid of women who annoy them, and don’t care what others think about them. Women always complain about this type of guy, due primarily to the frustration they feel in not being able to control him.
In short, jerks are challenges, and we all know how much women like challenges.
The problem with jerks is that they go to extremes, but there is a middle ground to be found. On one hand of the spectrum is the untamed challenge of a jerk, while at the other end can be found the doormat known as the “nice guy.”
This latter character bends to the will of everyone around him, goes to great lengths to please his woman, and tailors his behavior for fear that he might offend others.
Separate, both jerks and nice guys are ultimately undesirable to females, but if their elements combined, they would be irresistible.
There is no single rule or guideline for every situation with women, but there are some common themes or elements to consider. It’s important to develop a system that’ll work MOST of the time.
Understand the root psychology behind what’s happening, but learn to apply it in your own unique situation.
Women Don’t Like Sex
Yes, you read that correctly. Forget all notions you have about “nice girls.” Women want sex as much as guys- Probably even more!
The difference lies in how each gender views the act of sexual intercourse. Most guys are constantly on the prowl. We have been taught that a “real man” should bang as many women as possible.
In fact, a guy usually gains a significant level of social status if he has a harem of woman at his beck and call.
Women are the complete opposite.
While a girl can enjoy sex as much as a guy, society has taught her to avoid being “too promiscuous.”
If a girl has many sexual partners, the words “slut” or “whore” will be often used to describe her. And once she gets a reputation, her social status will quickly diminish.
You won’t find many girls bragging about all the guys they’ve banged. They’ve learned that there are negative consequences to having too many sexual partners. In simple terms, they’ve learned that a “quality” girl doesn’t go around having sex with every man she meets.
Allow me to say it again…
Women enjoy sex!
Guys think that women don’t enjoy it because they’re not always discussing it. However if you listen to a girl when she’s with her friends, you’ll realize how often this topic is discussed. If you look at the cover of magazines like Cosmopolitan, then you’ll see that sex is an important issue to women.
Let’s face it: A major difference between the sexes comes down to an ability to restrain our urges. Whereas men seem to need sex 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, women can restrain their sexual impulses.
The myth that women don’t enjoy sex comes from the way they talk to guys. Your average girl has learned to “not encourage” men who she finds unattractive.
By displaying cold body language, she knows a guy will usually give up and walk away. That’s why it seems like a lot of women are not interested in sex.
The truth is they do have sexual impulses…but not with guys who don’t excite them.
Now take this same girl and put her in close proximity to a high status guy. When she’s around this man, you’ll see a whole different side of her personality. If the chemistry is right, she’ll suddenly become very sexual.
She’ll laugh, she’ll flirt, and she’ll do her best to attract him.
I want you to understand something about this last principle: Women enjoy sex as much as guys. However, YOU have to know the secrets for sparking this side of their personality. They’re not going to show it unless you know how to connect to their primal urges, so don’t try to logically attract a woman.
Instead look for ways to create sexual tension.
What Women Want in a Man
Confidence: I listed this first as it is paramount in overall attractiveness. Remember that confidence does not mean cockiness. You simply respect yourself, know your value, and display that through your actions.
Independence: Let her go out with her friends, and you go out with yours too. Holding on too tightly to a girl not only shows a lack of confidence, but it’s a surefire way of losing her in the end.
Territorial: While it’s important to respect each other’s independence, women like to feel important too. While you should never be possessive, don’t let another guy hit on her, and remind her of how beautiful she is every once in a while.
Sense of Humor: Can you laugh at her jokes? At yourself? Are you able to convey humor in a way that’s congruent to your high status personality?
Intelligence: You don’t have to be a rocket scientist, but an education and common sense can take you a long way.
Expertise: Along with intelligence comes expertise. You don’t have to own a major corporation to display this trait; you simply have to be passionate about something other than women, and hone your skills in that area.
Challenging: By having other passions in your life besides her, you are (in a sense) a challenge. Women like it when they have to work for your affections.
Creativity: Find your interests and be able to communicate why they inspire you.
Class and Culture: Put down the Budweiser and pick up a brandy (or a Heineken, at the very least.) Buy some good art for your home, and visit a museum every once in a while.
Dominance: Believe it or not, women like to feel subordinate, so don’t be afraid to tell her where you’re taking her for dinner. Just don’t be a jerk about it.
Thoughtfulness: Now might be a good time to put that personal organizer to work. It’ll help you remember her birthday and other tiny details to portray a thoughtful nature.
Aggressiveness: Don’t confuse this with “dominance.” Being aggressive simply means going after what you want, whether it be a date or a promotion at work.
Good Body Language: Do you slouch? Stand up straight! Look people in the eyes when addressing them, and pick your head up when walking. Remember that 90 percent of communication is nonverbal, so make the most of what you’re not saying.
Good Sex: As we’ve already addressed, women love sex, but there is a right and wrong way to turn them on. Never neglect foreplay, learn her “hot spots,” and be courteous by making sure she finishes first.
Chivalrous: This is one trait that separates the jerks from the rest of the guys. Open doors for her; pay her way; be courteous of her needs and feelings while remaining a challenge in her eyes.
As you can see, women need a lot of things from men. The confusion comes from the double talk that women do; they say one thing but mean another.
Their emotional side tells them that they want a nice guy, but on that same note, he’s not enough of a challenge to them (hence the reason why “nice guys finish last.”) What they really want is someone they can trust, who will not act like a complete pushover.
Now that we’ve dispelled some of the common myths about women, let’s move on to the main topic of this course…flirting.
Sexual Tension – What is it?
So how do you make sexual tension work for you?
What exactly is it?
The following is a list of many factors that you can manipulate to create sexual tension, and hence, sexual chemistry with a girl:
Body language: Give her your undivided attention through your eyes, gestures, and voice tone, and suddenly take it away.
Personality: Don’t pull a Jekyll and Hyde on her, but make her wonder what you’re thinking. Be selective when deciding which of her jokes to laugh at, but always remain mostly friendly.
Humor/Teasing: Don’t overdo the teasing. Just give her enough to feel special and want more.
Increase Attraction: While personality is paramount, always make sure to look your very best. This will also do wonders for your self-esteem.
Be Challenging: Don’t pick up the phone every time she calls, and decide for yourself if you want to go somewhere with her. Maybe you have “other plans.”
The secret to creating sexual tension is to create the anticipation of an experience. It’s that emotion where a woman is waiting for the release of the buildup.
At the same time, by creating an environment of sexual tension, you’re coming off as a challenge or mystery to the woman…and ultimately driving her nuts!
Eye Contact
You can tell a lot about a person simply by the way they look (or don’t look) at you. Your eyes are the most important part of your body language. They never lie.
There is one standard to consider when using your eyes during flirting. When you first make eye contact with a girl, hold it for at least three seconds.
Anything shorter will portray you as unconfident; anything longer will make you look creepy (and we certainly don’t want that!) By holding her gaze for the standard three seconds, you’re showing you’re a dominant male.
This may be hard to do at first, especially if you’re the shy type, but there are exercises you can do to get more comfortable with it.
Try maintaining eye contact with anybody, regardless of whether or not you’re attracted to them. You can also try looking at the bridge of her nose or her eyebrows, instead of directly in her eyes, as she won’t be able to tell the difference.
Danger Zones to Avoid
A girl friend of mine is constantly complaining about this guy at work. She says he’s always looking at her chest when talking with her (and making zero effort to hide it.) Most girls are swarmed by guys checking out their asses, breasts, and other “danger zones.”
Remember – you’re aim in the game is to appear different from your male competition.
With that said, be careful not to focus in on anything other than her eyes when interacting with her.
A good rule-of-thumb is to maintain your gaze above the neck, since anything below it is generally off limits (untilshe gives you the “green light,” of course.) Her eyes, hair, smile – these should be things you focus on.
Another “danger zone” to avoid when hitting on a specific girl is other women. Think about it: If a girl was chatting with you, only to give her attention to every other guy in the room as well, you’d be kind of confused, right?
If you’re goal is to get her number, you must control your focus.
Smile
It has been said that a smile can be interpreted across the world, and this is so true. A smile shows your sincerity, whereas the lack of a smile can turn people off to you.
The bottom line is if you really want flirting success, you’re going to have to show your ‘pearly whites’.
Practice your smile in the mirror, and keep doing it until it looks real. Body language experts have various ways of determining whether or not a smile is genuine.
First off, the person smiling actually shows teeth. Mind boggling, I know; but you’d be surprised at the difference between a closed-mouthed smile, and a big beaming grin.
Another trick used by experts is to examine the eyes of whoever is smiling (didn’t I tell you the eyes were important?) Nine times out of ten, a person who smiles without the corners of their eyes crinkling is faking it, so make sure to crinkle!
Posture
Women look for cues as to what you’re really like. Similar to your eyes, your posture tells a lot about how you feel about yourself.
Just for a moment, I want to take you back to your childhood by mentioning the ever-famous Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. For those who weren’t fortunate enough to get to know this character, Eeyore was Winnie’s sad and gloomy donkey pal. If he didn’t tell you he was sad, at the very least, you could put the pieces together just by looking at his constantly-slouched posture.
Okay, now forget about Eeyore. What woman in her right mind would be drawn to someone like this? If you answered “no woman,” you’d be correct. Life’s hard enough as it is; you don’t want depressed, unconfident people consuming your time too.
You can use your body to attract the opposite sex simply by standing with your feet apart.
It’s no secret that a person whose arms are crossed is very guarded, so make sure to leave your hands by your side (outside of your pockets.) If you’re having difficulty with this, try hooking your thumbs in your belt hoops, pointing your fingers down towards your crotch.
When standing in a group, take up space in a crowded area by maintaining a broad stance. Inferior guys allow others to push them around, so hold your ground by not letting others take up your space.
Walk tall, keep your shoulders back, and hold your head up high.
Slow down physical movements, and when speaking, add in pauses between your sentences.
When sitting, lounge back, sling your arm around the back of the chair, and expose your crotch.
This shows that you’re at home and completely comfortable in any situation.
It shows you’re an alpha male.
Reading HER Body Language
Many guys wonder when a girl is flirting with them. The funny thing is it’s not hard to read her mind – just pay attention to her mannerisms!
This skill is very much learned on an intuitive level, but it is possible. Look beyond her smile or words into the whole of her body language to see if she’s really into you or not.
When you first spot a girl who catches your eye, look for signals that she wants you to approach her. It can be something as small as a smile, or as large as a hand wave to come over, but you must learn how to recognize her “green lights.”
Here are a few of the more basic ones:
She smoothes out her clothing.
She puts one or more hands on the hips.
She points her body towards you.
She points her feet towards you.
She smoothes or touches her hair.
She increases the frequency of eye contact.
She maintains eye contact.
She scans your body.
She has flushed or rosy cheeks.
Her pupils are dilated (a GREAT indicator, as she has virtually no control over it.)
She tosses her head and hair back.
She exposes her wrists toward you.
She exposes the palms of her hands.
She opens her legs slightly (this demonstrates an unfulfilled sexual need.)
She sways her hips while walking past you.
She places her hands near her crotch or breasts.
She gives you a sideways glance.
Her lips are wet and slightly open.
So let’s say you spot a girl who seems to be displaying one or more of these qualities towards you.
What’s your next step? If you said approach her, you’re right! Once you two are talking, your new task is to hear what she’s really saying.
It has been said that “actions speak louder than words.” It’s also been said that “talk is cheap.” With this in mind, switch things up by paying more attention to how a woman acts, as opposed to the words coming out of her mouth. You can sense when there’s genuine emotion behind what a person is saying.
To get better at this, go somewhere where you can observe people (I’ve always found a local coffee shop to be a good spot.) Watch people as they interact, and jot down some notes about their:
Arms
Hips
Heads
Facial expressions
Overall attitude
Emotions
Eyes
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